This might be the last post for a while. On Saturday, September 6th, I plan on leaving south Florida for another road trip. I am hoping to be away for a few months. I have no control over the tumor that is growing, other than prayer. If I have to return earlier than expected I will… at least I am making the effort and anticipating that I will have an extraordinary time on this trip and I will get to attend the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta once again, and also see my friends in Albuquerque, Oklahoma City, and Texas. I will write stories along the way as I am able to get Internet and if there is something to write about. I will update the Travel Map 2014 button on my website as often as I can so you will know approximately where I am at any given time. Today the pain is pretty intense, I’m hoping it’s less by tomorrow.
After much thought and prayer, and evaluating my health condition for the past few weeks, I decided to take another trip and drive out west. As I wrote in my previous post, I know there will be some days that are challenging, but that’s what life is about. Living each day fully and learning and growing through the challenges. Some days I feel hesitant to take the trip because I know my pain has been increasing the past few weeks which is probably caused in part because my tumor is growing, I can tell by feeling the size of it. I am also having increasing numbness in my left foot and leg so it must be putting more pressure on the nerves going into my leg. I’m also not able to eat as much at a time, so I try to eat smaller portions more often. I bought a walker with a seat and I’m bringing it on this trip in case it’s needed. I can’t walk or stand for as long a period of time, so the walker will come in handy as a chair when I need to sit, or if the numbness in my foot and leg gets worse.
I thought about the trip I took in May and June to Georgia and South Carolina and when I was thinking about taking that trip I had the same hesitation whether or not to go. If I had decided not to go on that trip I would have missed so much. Reading the stories I wrote and looking at the pictures reminds me of the great time I had and the time I got to spend with the firefighters and their families. I am so glad I didn’t miss those experiences. The good times definitely outweighed the pain and long distance I drove.
I remember when I took my 2011 and 2012 trips around the country where I drove approximately 12,000 and 10,000 miles respectively, there were many days I was in a lot of pain as a result of the 4 operations I had in 2010. There were many days I was in too much pain to drive so I stayed where I was a bit longer than planned, and many days I drove when I had pain. It wasn’t fun, but I accomplished my trip anyway. There were several times I thought about coming back early, but I felt that if I did “it” would win. It is cancer, the tumor, my health condition and complications as a result of my cancer and numerous operations, and the stinking thinking that wants to sabotage my journey. I guess this new trip will be the same. I feel like it will win if I don’t go, and I will not surrender to it easily or willingly. Some days it would be easy to sit back and let it win. I choose to not let self pity take hold in my life. If I find it is starting to, and I can’t change my thinking by myself or if I don’t want to do it by myself, I call my friends and we talk it through and get me back on the right track. I am so grateful to have people in my life that I can talk to about absolutely anything. There is a good possibility that I can make this entire trip and that I will have amazing, incredible, and extraordinary experiences along the way. I choose to think positive. I have not given cancer permission to invade my body, or take up residence, and it seems to not care. It comes back whenever it wants and I have to deal with it however I feel best at the time.
This trip will be about 4,500 miles round trip, versus the 1,800 mile trip in May and June. I will drive through the Florida panhandle up into Alabama, then through Memphis towards Oklahoma City where I will stop for a few days to visit my friend Albert Gray Eagle. After spending a few days with Albert and his family, I will drive to Albuquerque for the Albuquerque International Balloon Fiesta. I am hoping to get to Albuquerque by September 26th, which is my 64th birthday. I can’t believe it!!! I never thought I would live to 30, much less 64. Last year when I celebrated my birthday, my doctor and I never thought I would still be alive for this one… Surprise!!! I’m still here. I’m guessing God still has a plan and purpose for my life and is evidently not ready for me to live in another dimension yet.
I talked with my friend Scott in Albuquerque and he said I can crew on his balloon again or just hang out with them, whatever I feel like doing. I bet I will crew, and perhaps be his official photographer again. The last 2 times I crewed on his balloon, I took about 1,000 photos each year, many of his balloon in various stages of inflating, flying, and packing, and also I got lots of him and his sons and the other crew members. I gave Scott a jump drive each year with all of the pictures I took which he appreciated since he is so busy with all the necessary tasks that he rarely gets pictures of his balloon and crew. In my Photo Gallery, there are several albums of Balloon Fiesta pictures for both 2011 and 2012, and you can go to the Archived stories for October 2011 and 2012 and read the stories I wrote during my time at the Balloon Fiesta.
I was not able to attend the 2013 Balloon Fiesta so I went on their website and watched some of the live webcam coverage. The special shape balloons are always a big hit. It’s always fun to watch for new balloons each year. Balloon pilots also have cards sort of like baseball cards, only these have a picture of the balloon on one side and where it’s from, and the back of the card has statistics, size, the pilots name, and other info. There is usually a line at each balloon to get a card, especially at the special shape balloons.
This morning, Wednesday, September 4th, I went to get my camper, named Molly, so I could pack it for the trip. As I was driving to my mom’s to get Molly at about 7:30 a.m., it rained a little, then the sun came out and there was a full arc rainbow across the sky. It was spectacular to see. I thanked God for the rainbow and I knew that this trip is the right thing for me to do. I will take my trip One Day at a Time. Some days I will be able to drive a longer distance than other days. If at some point I can’t continue on, I will modify my trip, or return home. The point is that I am going to start on this journey and see what happens. It will be an exploration, an expedition, an adventure, and I will have experiences however it turns out. It might even play out like I’m hoping, and it could be like other trips where it’s better than I even imagined. It’s the journey that counts, not the destination.
After I leave Albuquerque on October 12th or 13th, I will head to Fort Worth, Texas, to visit with my friends there for about a week, then on to Homestead Heritage in Waco to see other friends. I love being there, especially the month or so before the fair when everyone is busy with fair preparations. In 2011 and 2012, I worked at the Gristmill, the Cheese Shop, and also I have helped make spiced pecans, baked goods, jellies and candy, and much more. In my Photo Gallery, there are albums with pictures I took during my time there helping make cheese, and also of booths during the fair. I may stay there through Thanksgiving so I can be there for their annual Homestead Fair. I love going back home to Texas. It has changed quite a bit since I left there in 1998, but it’s still home to me.
When I travel, I usually don’t have Internet service unless I stop at a wifi place or library. I will probably have cell phone coverage most of the time, so I can check my email on my phone. I will try to update the Travel Map 2014 to reflect where I am within a day or so. Stories may not be posted as often. During the 2 weeks I am in Albuquerque at the Balloon Fiesta, I can walk about 1/4 mile to the Balloon Fiesta office and use their wifi. If I am able to do that again this year I will. Otherwise, a story and photos will have to wait until I can find wifi.
If you have been reading my stories for a while, you will know how often I write about living each day to the fullest and that none of us know when our time will be up. I was on the Camping World and Good Sam Club websites looking up things for my trip and I saw this memorial. “In Memory Of… David Garvin, the founder of Camping World, passed away unexpectedly on Saturday, August 30th as a result of an accidental fall.” I found another story which said he was working on the roof of his house and he slipped after getting too close to the edge. David was 71 years of age.
A friend I was talking with last week told me that his 12 year old daughter has brain cancer. She had the tumor removed and is currently going through radiation treatments. I know many people who have unexpected events and health challenges present themselves. We have to deal with them as they present themselves.
We found out the other day that my 28 year old niece has a very advanced stage of lymphoma. Her kidneys are working about about 50%. She has been married for a little over 4 years and they have a 10 month old son. Please pray for our family, especially my niece Amy. They will be deciding what treatment will be the best for her.
I was thinking about choices. We all have to make them. Over a period of about 45 years I have had over 15 major operations and over 150 surgical procedures and biopsies. After the 4 operations in 2010, I knew that if anything else happened in my abdomen or with my Illeostomy I would pretty much be inoperable. There is so much scar tissue and so many adhesions in my abdomen which would make any operation much more complicated. The risks of complications during surgery would be significant, and might even have an outcome of me having nerve or muscle damage because the 3″ tumor I have now is entangled with muscles, organs, tissues, nerves, scar tissue, etc.
When this new tumor was discovered in September 2012, I knew I did not want to be cut open any more due to the high risk of complications. Radiation would not be very successful. So, my choice and decision was to let it take it’s natural course and have a good quality of life for as long as I can. Rather than risk having surgery or treatment methods that would most probably not allow me to have the quality of life I have now. Of course, I’m guessing. I have no idea of the actual outcome that would have happened, but based on the knowledge and facts at that time, it was the best guess my doctor and I could make. I do not regret this decision. I know I made the best one for me.
This morning when praying for my niece and the choices and decisions they would have to make about her cancer, I thought about my choice and that it was the right one for me, but other people in my situation might have chosen differently. Perhaps they would have tried anything, no matter the risk, to give themselves more time. Even if their quality of life would be affected. The end of September I will be 64 years old. When I celebrated my 63rd birthday last year, I didn’t expect to see this one and yet, it is rapidly approaching. I don’t know God’s plan for any of us. We have to do the best we can and live the life we think God wants us to. Just for Today. That’s all we have. Cherish it, even if it brings opportunities for growth, change, and challenges. They are what make us stronger and reach out to others so that our lives continue to be enriched and fuller.
Once again, this reminds me to live for today. Don’t keep putting off things you want to do, or things you want to say to someone. Last October, I wrote a post called Seriously, Really, you would rather be an ostrich. It talks about the importance of having legal and medical documents prepared in case they are needed unexpectedly.
Living “One Day at a Time” is a slogan I try to live by. I heard someone say that if we worry about what will happen in the future, we will be suffering in advance because what we think may happen often doesn’t, or perhaps it doesn’t happen like I think it will. This slogan also helps me when planning for trips and living each day. In preparing for my trips, I do everything I can to be prepared. I get my vehicle checked, take what I think I need for the trip, and really I take more than I need of everything. I try to make sure I have canned food for when there are not grocery stores close by. However, things happen as I travel. I’ve learned I can stop at mechanics when needed, buy an item I forgot or realize I need, etc.
One of the many books I like to read for inspiration and guidance has a chapter about living One Day at a Time. I want to share some of what it says here. Perhaps, it might help you like it does me. “Many of us have tried tackling projects by peering into the future and trying to anticipate and resolve every glitch we think we might encounter, making decisions based upon information we do not really possess because the future has not yet happened… In most cases, we cannot anticipate every possible turn of events, so no matter how diligently we have prepared, we are eventually caught off guard. Meanwhile, we have expended so much time and energy trying to predict future events, soothe future hurts, and prevent future consequences, that we have missed out on today’s opportunities. And the magnitude of the task we have set for ourselves has left us drained, overwhelmed, and distraught.
A much more practical approach to our challenges and fears is to take them “One Day at a Time.” We can’t do anything about the future because the future is not within our grasp today. Worrying about it, trying to manipulate it, anticipating it, all these activities simply remove us from this moment. We can’t change the future, but by making the most of this day, we prepare ourselves to be able to handle whatever comes tomorrow… But wasting today worrying about tomorrow will not make us any better prepared for difficulties that may present themselves. If they do manifest, those painful problems will not hurt any less tomorrow, whether we have stewed about them or set them aside today. All of our preparation will not have spared us a single ounce of pain. In fact, it will have lengthened our suffering, since we’ll have added all that extra worrying time.
So if there is no advantage to trying to live in the future, it only makes sense to stay here in the present and make the very best of every precious moment we are given. Another advantage in living “One Day at a Time” is that we break huge, overwhelming tasks into smaller, more attainable goals. Worrying about going hungry tomorrow won’t put more food on the table, it will only make us forget to appreciate the food we have today. This day is ripe with opportunities for joy, for sorrow, for experiencing the full range of human emotion and experience. Isn’t it time we took advantage of it?”
So, in part, because of what I expressed above in this post, even though I know that I have increased pain, and that my condition feels like it’s getting worse, I am still going to make this trip out west. If I can get the entire way, great. If I have to turn back early, it will be okay too. Last year I had a longer trip planned,I started out from south Florida at the end of March, and in May when I got as far as Knoxville, Tennessee, I knew from my symptoms that I was getting worse. I called and spoke with my doctor and we decided that I needed to return and not complete my trip. When I went to see her when I got back, we didn’t think I would live to the end of September, definitely not the end of December. Here it is the following September and I’m still here and doing pretty well, all considered.
I don’t want to sit here in my apartment for another year or so just reading books and doing jigsaw puzzles waiting to die. Yes, I have made an impact the past year with my donations to volunteer fire departments and other charitable organizations, but I want to do more. I want to cram as much into life as I can. I feel so blessed that I have this opportunity. On the days I need to rest I will. Other days I will have to make myself get up and move forward. The point is that I want to continue to live my life the best I can on any given day.