After I returned from my recent 6 week trip to Georgia and South Carolina, I went to visit my doctor because when I was away my pain was more intense and I was having more symptoms that the tumor is affecting my organs and nerves. The doctor and I talked and we decided to have a CT scan done of my abdominal and pelvic area to see the size of the tumor and what it’s affecting. When we received the results, it confirmed what my doctor and I already knew from feeling the tumor and my abdominal area and my symptoms.
The CT scan shows that in my left lower pelvic area I have abdominal wall masses, which includes a large tumor that is approximately 3 inches. Also, near the incision line up my abdomen I have another tumor, it’s small about half inch in size, located near my scar. We didn’t know about that one. It sure feels like the large tumor is bigger than 3 inches because when the doctor and I press near the tumor, the lump from the tumor and the surrounding area that’s hard is larger than 3 inches. The doctor says the other hard things we are feeling near my large tumor is probably my organs which are shifting because of the tumor. The CT scan also shows that I have a small hiatal hernia. We didn’t know about that either.
We can tell by feeling my abdomenal and pelvic areas that the tumor has shifted from moving to the right, and pushing organs to the right, to now it’s moving to the lower left. The tumor is close to the skin and it can be felt easily. It feels like it’s moved about an inch or so to the left in the past few months. We are guessing it’s because there is nowhere else it can go towards the right due to scar tissue, adhesions, other organs, my ostomy, etc. filling all of the space. The tumor is pressing on my bladder and other organs which is causing some minor issues and intermittent back pain. It’s also pressing firmly into my left pelvic bone which is causing some sharp stabbing pain in the tumor. The tumor, and/or organs that are moving, are now located close to the crease where my left leg meets my body which is causing more numbness, and intermittent sharp pains, in my left foot and leg. We are hoping that it doesn’t continue growing into the nerves and muscles which could cause more numbness in my leg and foot, and possibly eventually the loss of feeling in my left leg.
There are days when the pain is more intense than other days, so I take my medicine accordingly. As with when I was away on my trip, there are days I am not able to drive, due to the pain. I don’t drive when I take my liquid pain medicine for breakthrough pain. The time release pain medicine allows me to drive without being sleepy, but the liquid medicine makes me drowsy.
I am still not considering surgery or radiation. The odds are still stacked too far against success, and they are still high on the side of complications, due to numerous surgeries over the years. Quality of life is still more important to me and right now it’s still pretty good thankfully.
I didn’t ask the doctor what she thinks about my life span. We have no idea, it’s depending on how the growth of the tumor progresses and what impact it has on my organs. Since I am alive longer than we thought, I will just continue to enjoy each day. Evidently, God is not ready for me yet. I’m guessing there are still things for me to do here. Some of my friends tell me I’m here because I’m an inspiration to them. As with everyone, our life and time on Earth is up to God’s plan for our life.
Last summer, my doctor and I didn’t think I would survive until the end of 2013, now it’s July 2014 and I’m still here. When I watched the July 4th fireworks on TV last year, and in the distance from my apartment, I didn’t expect to be here to watch them again this year, and I am. If I knew I would be, I might have planned a trip to NY. For many years I have enjoyed watching the Macy’s fireworks on TV. It would be so cool to watch them in person. Except, now I’m not sure about taking a long airplane ride and sitting that long. However, I really did enjoy watching the Macy’s fireworks on television again this year. They always have an extraordinary fireworks show.
If I am able to, I am planning on taking another road trip. At the end of August or early September, I want to drive out west to Oklahoma, Texas, and New Mexico to see my friends. I’m hoping to be able to go to the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta again this year. I made a reservation for a camp spot in the dirt field where the RVs park. I can always cancel if I can’t go. I know it will be a long trip, it’s about 2,100 miles one way. I will allow about 3 to 4 weeks travel time since I can’t drive as far as I used to in a day. About 200 miles is now a lot for me to drive and there will probably be days I won’t feel up to driving.
Thank you so very much for your continuing love, support, encouragement, friendship, kind words, and so much more. I couldn’t be going through this life journey, which has been difficult at times, without having so many people that care about me and pray for me. I’m so extremely blessed and grateful to have a core group of close friends that I can share my honest feelings with no matter what they are. They always know what’s happening with my health, pain, and limitations. I can also share honestly with them about my frustrations because of my health situation and the limitations it’s created. It’s allowed me to share my feelings, experiences, and challenges. For example, I can’t drive to my friend Sue Arnold’s Wildlife Rehabilitation Center to visit, spend a few hours there, and then drive home easily in the same day. It’s 100 miles each way. I used to be able to do it easily, now I can’t.
A few weeks ago I told my doctor and some close friends that I want to write a story on my website that says… Sometimes life sucks when you are dying slowly and know it, but I’m making the most of everyday I have and living it to the fullest. So, now that I wrote the line, I guess I will let this paragraph say my thought, and all of the stories, pictures, and posts on my website are the part where I am living life to the fullest and cherishing each day, even the difficult ones where the pain is intense and it’s not a fun day. I always remember that there are other people who are facing more health issues and life challenges than I am. I also remember, like Lois taught me, to keep an attitude of gratitude. I have so much to be grateful for, and I know I’m so blessed. I have a safe place to live, food to eat, medicine to control my pain, money to pay my bills, and so much more. I do a gratitude list daily, sometimes several times in a day. I also have so many friends and people who love me and who are here for me, no matter what. In addition, I have a God that loves me and guides me on my journey through life, and when time comes for the next journey God will guide me through that too.