The past few weeks I have not been doing much. My body is adapting to the increase in my pain medicine and I’m a bit more tired than I’m used to. I think it’s finally leveling out and that’s a good thing. It seems the pain is under control. Since I am no longer in pain, or else it’s not noticeable when I take my medicine, it’s easy to think that there’s nothing wrong, and periodically, I think I don’t need my medicine. I know that’s not accurate, I bet if I stop taking it I will soon know that I need to take it. However, I don’t like that it’s made me more tired. Naps are becoming more necessary, sometimes several in a day. My sleeping is off too, it’s a combination of taking naps and also reading until very early hours of the morning. If I’m almost finished with a book, I try to stay up and finish reading it, which sometimes means that I am reading until 2 a.m. or even 4 a.m. That really messes up my sleep pattern. I don’t know why I can’t put the book down if I have 50 or 75 pages, I guess I want to know the end of the story.
As for a health update, it seems that everything is about the same for the most part. I’m still having numbness in my left foot and up into my calf, and periodically I have intermittent sharp pains in my leg and abdomen. Some days it’s more apparent than other days. The same goes for the pain or soreness my abdomen and pelvic area that is affected by my tumor. I have an appointment with my doctor on August 11th. After she pokes and probes my tumor and midsection, we will discuss whether or not it’s okay for me to make the trip out west to Texas, Oklahoma, and New Mexico. I’m guessing she is going to leave the decision up to me. We know it depends on what I’m able to do.
Some days I feel I can make this trip and other days I hesitate. I know it’s a lot of miles to drive, I think it will be about 4,300 miles round trip. There is no time restriction, so I can take my time driving as long as I’m in Albuquerque by September 27th. I know that I need to allow 3 or 4 weeks travel time to account for not being able to drive a long distance in one day, and also that there will be days I am unable to drive. It will be nice to attend the Albuquerque Balloon Fiesta again and see my friends in Texas and Oklahoma. I may not be able to keep up all of the activities I did the past few times at the balloon fiesta, but it’s nice to be there to watch it. I’m guessing I can also crew for the same pilot again, and maybe even get a ride in the hot air balloon… that’s really a fun thing to do.
One of my friends told me that I don’t seem to say much on my website about the days I’m not feeling well. It’s true, but mostly because I feel so blessed for so many things. As I’ve written many times, Lois, who is someone that mentored me years ago, taught me to always look for things to be grateful for, so I’ve done that. You can use the search feature on my website to find posts where I wrote Lois stories. Yes, I do have days that are painful, that I have more difficulty eating and sleeping than other days. Yes, I do have days that I don’t leave the apartment where I’m living because the pain is a bit more intense. For quite a while I made myself get out every day, even if it’s to go walk around the grocery store or some other store. Now, I don’t do that. I really don’t need anything and we have been having really hard rain storms for the past several weeks. It’s not fun being out driving in them. I’m trying not to be frustrated or depressed because I have more limitations and am more tired.
Some days I have to admit are not fun. I don’t like that I have this tumor and complications from numerous operations that are most likely cutting my life shorter and limiting what I can do easily like I used to, like driving and traveling long distances. But, it’s the life I’ve been given and I need to make the most of it. I have friends that stay in touch that are going through situations that I feel are much worse than mine. One close friend has been battling pancreatic cancer and other serious health issues for more than 4 years, a few other friends have really serious health issues with their husbands and other family members. This helps keep my life and health issues in perspective. Yes, I too have serious health issues, but at this time I am still able to take care of myself, cook, shower by myself, and get to the stores by myself. So, I have lots to be extremely grateful for, therefore, I don’t complain very often. Thankfully, I have a few people close to me that I do tell when I need to vent and share my feelings.
I’m realizing that I don’t always want to get out every day, it’s really hot and humid here. I have several jigsaw puzzles, and I have a lot of novels to read. I go on the county website and download some on my Nook when I want to fill in a series. I’ve decided that it’s not always a good thing to go grocery shopping when I don’t really need anything. Since I want to take a trip at the end of the month, I thought that it would be good to use up the food I have on hand. It might also involve creative cooking which is fine with me. So what do I do yesterday, I go to the store just to get out and walk around, not a good idea. I saw a new type of ice cream bars, so I bought several boxes of them, some with caramel and others with raspberry swirls. I’ve resisted buying half gallons of ice cream. I made a chocolate cake a week or so ago and it was dry, so I bought ice cream and made an ice cream cake. I still have some left to eat.
I was at a different section in the grocery store and they had a large selection of chicken with various stuffing fillings like baked potato, bread stuffing, lobster and scallop, broccoli and cheese, etc. So, I bought a few boxes of them for when I don’t want to cook. These just get put into the oven and they are ready half hour later. So much for eating what I already have in the freezer and cabinets. I have willpower… I need won’t power. I won’t buy things I really don’t need??? It’s okay, I’m sure the additional food will be put to a good use. I ate 2 of the chicken pieces last night for dinner and they were pretty good. I might put some in my tiny freezer for my trip if I take it.
It’s been quite a while since I wrote posts with inspirational quotes and poems. You can read some here and also here. So, I thought it was time to add some more. I’ve been reading a series of books by Emily March called the Eternity Springs series. I’m really enjoying this series, there is a character named Celeste who seems to be a wise woman who inspires people and she says things to the characters to help them heal. She reminds me of my friend Lois who passed away in 1989. There are several things she has said throughout this series, I selected the ones that have touched my heart, thoughts, and spirit the most lately and I want to share them with you. These lines have given me lots to think about and helped me know that I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be, experiencing exactly what I’m supposed to be experiencing.
“Change happens whether we like it or not. The trick is to accept it. To make it work for us as best we can.”
“Life is not meant to be an interstate highway. It’s a winding mountain road with hills and dips, stop signs and school zones. Let friends and family be the data for your GPS satellite feed, and never forget that sometimes and unexpected detour leads to a hidden miracle.”
“Peace is a process, not a shot clock with seconds ticking away and a buzzer at the finish. It’s the result of many decisions, not just one. Don’t expect otherwise, and don’t fail to recognize how far you’ve risen from the depths of your despair.”
“You can’t rush the journey, but you can lift your foot from the brake and goose the gas a little. Slow and steady wins the race.”
“Emotional healing doesn’t follow a straight line It’s often one stop forward, two steps back. A curved mountain road with switchbacks and curves.”
This quote is from a different author and book, I can’t remember which one, but I liked the saying and wrote it down.
“A man who worries about what will next be happening to him loses this moment in dread of the next, and poisons the next with pre-judgment.” “Do you indulge in pre-judgment too often?”
My friend Albert Gray Eagle and his niece Tori do a lot of volunteer work with children, and especially children with cancer. Albert is currently still in his battle with pancreatic cancer and other serious complications, and yet, he still does so much volunteer work with children and veterans. I’m so proud of him, and inspired by him. Over the years, I bought leather, beads, bead books, looms, etc. I didn’t use them very often. So at Thanksgiving when I saw Albert and Tori at a pow wow, I gave them several large pieces of leather, and all my beads and bead books, etc. I knew that he and Tori would put it to good use. They have. Periodically, I receive pictures of what they made, or the children made. I also have pictures of the children with Albert. Here is some of the artwork the children at Camp Quality have created. I have to get permission from Albert before I post photos of the children.